I always have questions about Hashem even though I grew up frum. Whenever I read Stories of emuna and bituchon I cringe. I read enough hashkafa already and I still don't understand. I am in therapy for childhood abuse so I know my questions make sense. But still, do I have hope that one day I will understand that I don't have to understand? How can I read articles without feeling pain and resistance to every word that connects to God?