Modern Day Sotah Test?
We do not have a sotah ritual today. But I feel I have reasonable suspicion that my wife cheated on me decades ago before we had our kids. In the absence of the sotah ritual, what is a man supposed to do to find out the truth? Or his he supposed to inquire at all? I am nervous about confronting my wife directly. I have never been jealous, but I just want know.
In our first two years of marriage, my wife hung out often with a man she considered her ‘best friend.’ I fully believed he was a platonic friend and approved and trusted her, even though they had dated before and decided not to marry each other. She went over his apartment often and they watched movies together as I worked until late in the evening. Then I got my dream job and we moved away and she lost all but occasional contact with him. We made new friends, started a family, and she stopped contacting him. I have had many happy years of marriage ever since. We have heard that he died about 10 years ago.
If my suspicions are ever confirmed true, I have no intention of ending our marriage under any circumstances, regardless of anyone’s opinion. I know several couples who divorced over adultery. But I am the type to forgive, and I have already forgiven others for things that hurt me much more, and I will remain married to my beloved wife until death do us part. I just want to know one way or another for peace of mind’s sake.
I would like to know what approach we typically use in Jewish tradition today to ascertain the truth when there is suspicion.
We conceived no children during this period of time, but soon after we moved away, we did. I know for sure our firstborn daughter, who is now happily married with children of her own, is my biological child and not his because we have taken DNA tests.