Question
Is one allowed to attend an intermarriage ceremony in order to save a life? My cousin’s son is marrying a non-Jewish woman. My elderly mother is insisting on going to her great nephew’s wedding. She lives independently and is strong willed, and there is nothing I can do physically or legally to stop her. I am familiar with the wedding venue because another relative got married there. It is quite dangerous and has a lot of fall hazards for elderly people, and I am concerned that if I don’t watch her, she could fall and get hurt. I don’t trust anyone else in the family to keep an eye on her the same way I would. I am also invited to the wedding. Normally I would decline attendance at an intermarriage, but I have a strong feeling if I don’t go and stay with her throughout, something bad could happen to her.

Question
I am in charge of signing up new members at the synagogue I attend. The synagogue is in a transition between rabbis now. We are not getting a new rabbi until September and we don’t even know yet who that new rabbi will be. This past Shabbos, a man we saw for the first time ever starting came to services. He says he wants to join as a member. I talked to him on the phone today and he revealed to me that his mother is a convert to Judaism in the Conservative movement, and he had a bris and bar mitzvah. I don’t know if he is really a Jew or not. Can I accept him as a member?

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Is it possible for a gentile to officially be a Jew’s bashert? We Jews are told not to intermarry. But I am curious because I personally know lots of intermarried couples who have some of the happiest marriages I know.

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is prostate massage (milking the prostate) allowed, if done by one self?

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I am not Jewish, but I have close Orthodox Jewish friends. I always thought Orthodox Jews are not supposed to engage in public displays of affection. At least that’s what my close Orthodox friend says. Yet I see it all the time. I see public displays of affection among all ages of Orthodox, ranging from longtime married couples to young people who are just dating each other and are uncertain if they will marry. How is that possible? My religion opposes public displays of affection and adherents take it quite seriously.

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Hi I wonder that could one make a living in Israel by working in Kibbutz? Is there a way to have support in everyday life? Best Wishes Samppa Oranen

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Hello, Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I come from a mainstream frum, yeshivish family. My older 30-year-old sister is unfortunately not religious. She lives out of state but comes to visit on occasion. Around a year or two ago she came for a weekend and told me that she was in a relationship with a non-Jew. I have a very hard time with conflict and uncomfortable situations, and so I acted interested and happy for her. I've never spoken to her spouse, and she only mentions him infrequently. She also told my parents about her relationship, and it broke their hearts. They maintain loving contact with my sister and speak to her often, but refuse to mention her husband and will not interact with him. At this point I believe my sister has been with him for 5 or more years. I call my sister and stay in contact with her, which is important to me because I value family and because I genuinely like her as a person. When she mentions her husband, I don't know what to do. I feel sick at the thought of telling her "what you've done is very bad and you shouldn't talk to me about it." I also feel bad being dismissive or ignoring any mention of him. She recently invited my younger sister and I to visit her, but that would raise new complications regarding her husband. I want to do the right thing. I have very strong hashkafos but simultaneously feel compassion for my sister and I don't know how to balance the two. What is the appropriate way for me to deal with this situation? If you can include practical guidance, that would be much appreciated. I would like to know what the Halachic and Hashkafic approaches to my situation are. Thank you so much again for your time. Sincerely, Sara I.

Question
I did something very bad. For many years, I spoke lashon hara about a friend (who I am referring to here as Friend B), but she doesn’t even know it. What happened was I was telling Friend A negative things about Friend B, who lives in another far away city, all without revealing her name, thinking it was okay because these two people don’t know each other and would never meet. All I was doing was venting. How wrong could I be? Turns out, Friend A is moving to friend B’s city and now they will be neighbors within several blocks and there is a strong chance they will meet each other, given the Jewish community there is small and they have common interests that might lead them to a friendship with each other. And I’m sure once they do meet, it won’t take long for Friend A to figure out the woman she meets is my Friend B. Friend B has no clue I said all these bad things about her to friend A. What should I do now? Should I tell only Friend A, the only one who knows now, that she might soon get to meet Friend B, and to disregard everything I said about her, all while keeping this secret from Friend B, who doesn’t know any bad was spoken about her? Or should I finally reveal to Friend B that I was saying such horrible things about her all these years to Friend A whom she is likely to meet and ask for forgiveness? Just so you know, Friend B is not a bad person. I still love her very much. She just has some issues that have driven me crazy for so long, and I just felt the need to vent to someone. I never imagined that the person I was venting to, keeping her identity secret, might end up meeting her.