Parenting

Ok so this question is odd but bear with me: From what I know, Jewishness is passed down via the mother. I also know that in the story of the Golem, he is granted life by a rabbi. Would the rabbi be considered his parent? And if so, would the golem be considered Jewish?

Dear Rabbi, what should I do about this? My father wants to fix me up with the daughter of his longtime chavrusa partner. And his partner wants the same for his daughter. But I am not attracted to her at all and I don’t think she’s attracted to me. I don’t think she and I have anything in common. Our families are close and I have known her since she was a little girl. I have no desire to marry her or go out with her even once. But my parents and her parents and are nagging us. My father says she is a perfect match for me and I should at least give her a try. He thinks if I spend a little time talking to her one on one, I will warm up to her. I feel so uninterested, I can’t see that happening. I think the real reason they want to fix us up is because they want to be family to each other.

Is it true that the Talmud says you can spank a child up to age 24? I vaguely recall having learned that. I am asking because we have an 18-year-old son who is heading off the derech. He has lots of problems. It’s a long story. This is a last resort, be we have tried seeking help from every resource in our community, all to no avail. The law of the state where we live permits spanking of a child up to age 21. If both civil and Talmud law permit spanking of a child his age, can we do so?

I am a man in my forties, twice divorced, with grown children, not presently employed, and not seeking employment at this time. I just moved in the other day with my mother, who is a recently widowed and retired lawyer and a healthy active senior citizen. I plan to live with her for a long time, possibly permanently, for economic reasons and to help her as she ages. Though she is retired, she likes to dress up nicely and put on makeup every day, even if she goes nowhere, because she feels it’s important for her dignity. A lot of her favorite everyday clothes require assistance from someone else to don and remove. When my stepfather was alive, he helped her. Now she wants me to do the same. I question the modesty of me as a man helping a woman in this way, particularly my mother, and the balance between modesty and honoring her.

I recently learned that according to Jewish law one is not supposed to call their parents by their first names. When I was growing up, my parents taught me to call them by their first names, and I am grown up and I still do. That’s what they wanted me to do. They have been accustomed to being called by their names their whole lives and they didn’t want me or my siblings to call them anything different. And I know they don’t want me to change this suddenly. I also called my grandparents by their first names when they were alive, as did my mother. This has been our family tradition as far as I know. And I was planning to teach my children when I had them to call me and my future wife by our first names. What is the scoop on this?

Is there any avera committed when bullying another child? The reason why I am asking is because our son has been bullied so much, we are withdrawing him at the end of the school year from the local Jewish day school he attends and homeschooling him next year. Bullying is rampant and the rebbeim and teachers have not done the job of controlling it. I am not sharing the name or location of the school or anyone involved because that would make this Lashon Hara. We are extremely dismayed. This is not the environment of Torah values we sent him to that school for. We fear physical and emotional injury to our son. And if he spends long enough there, we fear he will learn to behave that way himself.

Shalom Rabbi, I am in the final stages of planning to become a Gher and in doing so resolving some outstanding Halachic questions concerning my final decision to go ahead with --exclusively of course-- an Orthodox conversion. I was born to an intermarriage whereby my mother was not Jewish at the time of my birth. My father has passed away and i no longer have anything to do with his family and haven't for many years. My question concerns the decision I must make --whether or not to keep my current last name due to the mitzvah of honoring one's parents. (my name which is also my father's last name is associated with his avera, having committed the sin of intermarriage with my non-Jewish mother). Now, my instincts tell me to go ahead with legally changing my last name just prior (or immediately after) completion of the mikvah / Gher-ceremony. This is my current plan. However i wanted to get a confirmation from you as to whether this is a) Halachically required B) strongly recommended or C) as a matter of Jewish Law it makes no difference. Common sense tells me --as I understand Hashem-- G-d would NOT want me to carry the last name that is so directly associated with the avera of intermarriage. In fact, and to be sure, my thought is to blot this name (which is "Gilman") completely out from me and my life. In summary, given that the family name is clearly so very closely associated with marriage and family life, and given the very important Mitzvah to honor one's parents [and I quote] "honor your father and mother that thy days may be long" it is clear to me that changing my name will certainly not be honoring my father. However, the question becomes whether or not this mitzvah applies to a situation where the father has transgressed the Torah in such a terrible way. (not only marrying a non-Jewish mother but also having non-Jewish offspring). Does the "Honor Parents" mitzvah apply to: a family name change --when such a change will occur in the process of becoming a gher--a completely new relationship with Hashem, with a "renewed" Jewish nishama (who after all, was in fact at Mt. Sinai and participated with Israel in agreeing to completely accept the covenant with G-d in acceptance of the 613 Mitzvot. Your kind answer is very much appreciated. Toda Arba and Shalom. Sincerely, Colin Gilman

Earlier today, I saw one of my neighbors, an orthodox Jew who I have seen around but don’t know his name, repeatedly beating one of his sons as punishment for something that is unclear what. I filmed part of the beating from my apartment window, but the film is not clear enough to ascertain what was going on. What this father was doing looked so bad, I felt like calling 911. But I was uncertain if I should call the civil authorities on my fellow Jew. I also didn’t know if the police would consider this a crime or not because parents do have the legal right to spank their children. Regardless, I thought this treatment of his son went too far for what would be reasonable punishment. I have 4 children of my own and I would never do that to any of them, no matter how badly they behaved. I don’t believe what my neighbor was doing would fix any behavioral issues. I also wasn’t sure if reporting this is considered Lashon Hara.

I know women are exempt from time-bound commandments in part because of the need to provide childcare. But what about a man who is the primary caregiver for his children? My situation is that I am a stay-at-home dad and I probably will be for many years to come. My wife has a very demanding job where she is away from home for as many as 14 hours a day. After having our first baby recently, she had some maternity leave and this freed me up some time to do things including davening. Now she is back at work and except on weekends, I find davening at the proper time practically impossible. Childcare is much more of a responsibility than I ever imagined. It’s much harder work than the full time job I had before our daughter was born. Even before we conceived, my wife wanted me to quit my job to be a stay-at-home dad as soon as we had children. She made it clear to me that she prefers work to childcare, and I love children, so it is a good arrangement. I gave my notice two months before the baby was born and stopped working six weeks before her birth. I’m glad I did because I was so busy preparing for fatherhood even before she was born. Now that I am my daughter’s primary caregiver, I literally have no free time except maybe a little on weekends. This is just the beginning. We want to have more children in the future. This puts me in the position of being primary caregiver of the children for decades to come. I will always be the one who feeds them, changes their diapers, does the laundry and housework, and takes them where they need to go. Which means I can’t see myself being able to daven at the proper time as hard as I might try. I do very much love what I am doing, but I am feeling guilty about not davening.

I know according to the Torah, we are supposed to obey our parents. But does that mean that if they do not want to have a relationship with us, we are required to respect that wish and not ever contact them? I am adopted. My adoptive parents gave me a very nice upbringing. But they have both died. I did a DNA test earlier this year. My biological mother was not on it, but I found a biological cousin. My cousin wasn’t very welcoming but told me who my biological mother is and gave me her phone number but warned me that she would not warm up to me. I called my biological mother. As my cousin told me to expect, my biological mother was rude to me. She spoke for under two minutes in which she admitted she had me and gave me up and said that’s how she wanted it to be. She acted like I violated her by calling her as a stranger. And before slamming the phone, she told me never to call her again.