Interpersonal

is prostate massage (milking the prostate) allowed, if done by one self?

I did something very bad. For many years, I spoke lashon hara about a friend (who I am referring to here as Friend B), but she doesn’t even know it. What happened was I was telling Friend A negative things about Friend B, who lives in another far away city, all without revealing her name, thinking it was okay because these two people don’t know each other and would never meet. All I was doing was venting. How wrong could I be? Turns out, Friend A is moving to friend B’s city and now they will be neighbors within several blocks and there is a strong chance they will meet each other, given the Jewish community there is small and they have common interests that might lead them to a friendship with each other. And I’m sure once they do meet, it won’t take long for Friend A to figure out the woman she meets is my Friend B. Friend B has no clue I said all these bad things about her to friend A. What should I do now? Should I tell only Friend A, the only one who knows now, that she might soon get to meet Friend B, and to disregard everything I said about her, all while keeping this secret from Friend B, who doesn’t know any bad was spoken about her? Or should I finally reveal to Friend B that I was saying such horrible things about her all these years to Friend A whom she is likely to meet and ask for forgiveness? Just so you know, Friend B is not a bad person. I still love her very much. She just has some issues that have driven me crazy for so long, and I just felt the need to vent to someone. I never imagined that the person I was venting to, keeping her identity secret, might end up meeting her.

The other day, an acquaintance who is an annoying person who I don’t enjoy interacting with, asked me for the address and phone number of a dear friend who is a recent widow so she could send a condolence card. I told this acquaintance I would not give out my friend’s personal info without her permission. My plan was to first ask my friend for permission. But before that happened, the acquaintance became extremely furious at me and feels insulted. I later told my friend (the recent widow) what happened and she said she also considers this woman annoying. She says this woman has caused her lots of trouble in the past and she is glad I didn’t give out her contact info. Since this acquaintance feels insulted by me, am I required to ask her for forgiveness before Yom Kippur? Frankly, she is someone I’d rather not contact at all because she has a habit of bothering people, which I’ve known about for a long time and others apparently have too.

Hi, I was in a restaurant the other day, and a person came up to me and told me I shouldn’t be eating there because it’s not kosher. What chutzpah! Shouldn’t he mind his own business? I was really taken aback.

My mother is coming for a visit soon. She is anti-orthodox and does not dress tznius. At first this didn’t bother me, but as my girls are getting older, I think it would be a bad influence for them to see their grandmother dressed in this manner. They are at an age in which they will notice what she wears and want to imitate her, but they are still too young to understand or have this explained to them. I kindly asked my mother to dress tznius around her granddaughters. She then lost her temper and screamed about how disrespectful I am to demand that of her and that I should be ashamed of myself. My mother is already embarrassed by the fact that I became orthodox. She thinks I joined a cult and that I’m brainwashing her grandchildren. It’s been 12 years now and she still has not forgiven me for choosing this path.

Dear Rabbi, A relative is showing interest in Jewish observance and has questions and issues (such as family) to work through. I would like to help but I do not know how. What advice do you have for me? Thank you so much!