Activities

Should one lie if it is necessary to do so in order to avoid speaking lashon hara?

What are the laws about sitting next to someone of the opposite sex on the subway? I just moved to New York City this week to start a new job and I barely know anyone here yet. I don’t have a car and the subway and buses are the only practical way of getting around. I have rarely used public transportation before. The subway trains and stations are almost always crowded, and it’s impossible to avoid physical contact with women. I have always scrupulously observed negiah and been careful not to touch a woman even accidentally, but this is impossible. The other day, I sat down in a seat with a vacant adjacent seat when I got on. Not too long after, a young non-Jewish woman wearing a tight-fitting sleeveless short dress got on and took the seat next to me. She acted friendly in a flirtatious manner and engaged me in conversation. I responded to her friendliness and chatted with her for about half an hour until my stop because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I couldn’t get up because I was surrounded by standing riders, also mostly female, squeezed in like sardines. I see lots of Orthodox Jews ride the subway, although I don’t know any personally yet, and I don’t know what they do about this. I will have to use the crowded subway almost every day for the foreseeable future.

I work together with a blind woman who my boss considers a valuable asset to the company. Until recently, she got rides to and from work from another coworker who was female. That coworker retired last week. This leaves me as the only one who can provide her transportation, and my boss specifically asked me to drive her to and from work as if it’s now part of my job description. Where we work, it is necessary to park two blocks away from the office and walk several minutes down the street. The blind woman has to walk with me and hold on to my arm as I walk to and from the car and to guide her. For the first few days, all was fine. Then an acquaintance of mine who knows I am married but has never met my wife saw me and emailed me and told me that he saw me walking together with my wife. He assumed this woman was my wife because it appeared she was clinging to me in a romantic way. I explained she was not my wife, but a blind woman I am assisting. I have been married to the same woman for over 30 years. My wife very much supports me helping a blind woman because she considers it a chesed. The blind woman also is married and her husband is appreciative of anyone who helps her. There is no negiah issue here because this woman does not make contact with my body, but she holds my loose fitting jacket with one of her hands. She only touches the fabric, away from my body, and not my skin. I don’t even feel her. But I am wondering, is there an problem in Jewish law if to the eyes of others, it gives the mistaken impression we are romantically involved?

What does Jewish law say about homeschooling your children?

There is a holiday train garden in our area set up in honor of Xmas with a few elements for Chanukah. Most rabbis in our community think it is not a problem and permit Jews to go see it, and many members of the orthodox community, including rabbis, actually do take their children there. But my wife and I feel it is too non-Jewish and we don’t want our kids to see it. We think it’ll have a bad influence on them. The problem is, most of the kids in our kids’ classes have already seen it and our kids are jealous that they have not seen what their friends have and are bugging us. Their rebbes have taken notice of this and are telling us we should take our kids there. But we feel uncomfortable exposing our kids to stuff like this. What advice do you have?

What rituals/traditions do you hold as most sacred/important?

I found an answer on your site that says mixed swimming is forbidden. I want to share my feelings about that. For I do not believe mixed swimming is sinful and have no regrets that it’s something I do. I have always seen myself as an Orthodox Jew and never would consider anything else. I wear a kippah, daven three times a day, put on tefillin, keep fully kosher, and observe Shabbat. At the same time, I have always engaged in mixed swimming. Not just that, but I met my wife, also an Orthodox Jew, at the side of the pool while going mixed swimming. Soon after I graduated from college, I was hanging out on the pool deck when a beautiful young woman I had never seen before was laying in a bikini right next to me. I had only planned on spending up to an hour there, but I struck up a conversation with her that lasted all day until the pool’s closing time. A friendship was born that led quickly to romance. What attracted me to her was not her looks or her bikini clad body, but all the things we could relate to about life and how comfortable we felt with each other. I started talking to her because she just happened to be the human being who was sitting closest me that day. She turned out to be the purest soul. We were meant for each other and although we married almost a year later, we actually became a couple that very day. Today we have been happily married for over 40 years and we are now grandparents. We have never stopped mixed swimming and we continue to swim mixed to this day. We took our kids to the pool and beach throughout their childhood and now we do the same with our grandkids, all at the same time they go to Jewish day schools and have some of the finest Torah values. I have nothing to apologize for mixed swimming. Had I not gone mixed swimming, I would never have met my lovely wife and we never would have had so many beautiful children and wonderful grandchildren who are all fully Torah observant Jews and such an important part of the Jewish people. I have always remained faithful to my wife and she has always been faithful to me. She is still the same lovely woman as she was the day I met her on the deck of the pool. Mixed swimming has never caused me to stray and has not put my fidelity at risk. Had either of us deprived ourselves or mixed swimming, some really wonderful lineages in the Jewish people would not exist and the world would be a much darker place.

I am a young man who recently learned a new hobby from my aunt: crochet. There is a social club in my town where people meet weekly and crochet together. With my aunt’s encouragement, I came for the first time last week and there were around 20 women and I was the only man. All the women were very welcoming to me and want me to come back. One of them is a middle aged orthodox woman who claims there is no problem in Jewish law with me being there. But she is not a rabbi. I am just curious, what is your opinion as a rabbi about a man being in a social club that is otherwise all female?

Is it permissible to attend a rodeo show?