Shalom Bayit – Music During the Three Weeks and the Omer

Question

My husband is a very observant Jew in every way, wearing a kippah, davening, putting on tefillin, kosher, shomer Shabbos, etc. But there is one exception. He ignores all mourning restrictions during the Omer and 3 weeks. He has a very disrespectful attitude about them, calling them BS. He even listened to music during the year after his father’s death before I knew him and has no remorse about it. He openly disdains these laws, listening to more music than normal during these times more openly and with no shame. He goes around saying “It’s not in the Torah. Hashem won’t punish me.” Worst of all, he listens to music when I am in the car with him, thereby forcing me to listen to it also. How do I deal with this?

3 months

Answers

  1. Personally, I think that the best way to “deal” with it is by not doing anything. Your husband has made up his mind and, presumably, you will not be able to change it.

    If your husband has a spiritual mentor whom he respects and listens to, it might be an idea to speak with him and ask him to learn the pertinent Halachot with him (which are applicable to both Ashkenazim and Sefardim). But aside from that I would not recommend that you actively try to get him to desist, as it will have a negative impact on your Shalom Bayit.

    What I do suggest is that, with great tact and sensitivity, you ask him not to listen to music when you are in the car with him. Even if he belittles your request, you have done the right thing by asking him to take your needs into account, and you can travel with him in the car even if insists on listening to music while you are with him.

    Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team