Organic Orthodoxy


I am dating someone who is shomer shabbos. He really wants me to become more religious, but it just doesn’t feel organic to me. I like my Conservative upbringing and approach. Judaism is important to me, but I find Orthodoxy too restricting. We are both in our 30s and it is becoming more crucial to decide whether we could make a marriage work. Any advice?

15 years


  1. It’s only a few minutes until Succot begins, but I can’t ignore your request.

    Your question cetainly spells out a predicament and there’s no quick fix. I like your use of the word “organic” by the way.

    I won’t engage in a dialogue about restrictiveness here, but please keep in mind that the Torah itself says that its ways are pleasant and peaceful. Orthodoxy that does not fit this description would not seem to be true Torah observance.

    The first thought that comes to mind is that since you are in NY I strongly suggest you contact Gateways Organization to check out a class, retreat, seminar or something – together. I am sure you will enjoy it, and even if you continue to feel the way you do now, you will have at least tried to better examine and resolve differences. I am familiar with a number of the rabbis there – especially Rabbi Mordechai Becher and think it might be very helpful if you are able to contact him, hear him speak, ask him questions etc. If you really care about each other I would give it this chance.

    Their website is where you can find all necessary info.

    I wish you much happiness and success in life.

    Best wishes from the Team