Looming Intermarriage


I am acquainted with a soon to be married couple who are very excited and their wedding is all planned and is happening this coming December. He is Jewish and she is not. He knows he is Jewish, but aside from that does not care. These two have been childhood sweethearts who wanted to get married from when they were young. Should I be a busy body and try to stop this intermarriage? Or should I mind my own business and let it happen? If I do get involved, I will probably make them angry and won’t change them anyway. Knowing him, he won’t listen to any rabbi who approaches him.



  1. What a tragedy. And what a difficult situation for you to be in.

    I do not know the person involved but, in general, I would suggest trying to say something in a gentle and non-confrontational way. If you preface what you say by telling him that you love him and care for him then it might take the “sting” out of what you are saying.

    Again, depending on his personality, you could say something along the lines of “You know I love you and I want you to be happy, and I also love Judaism and our people. I know that you don’t know much about Judaism, but you probably know that Judaism believe that Jews should marry Jews. Can I suggest just one book to read, or video to watch in the near future?”

    Then, suggest a book or shiur that is suitable for him depending on his intellectual level. Some possible books are works like Anatomy of a Search – Tatz, or The Will to Live On – Wouk.

    May Hakadosh Baruch Hu bless you with the insight to say the right words at the right time.

    Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team