Doubts About Existence of Hashem

Question

I was raised an Atheist but at a young age decided to become a baal teshuvah. For the majority of my life, I was relatively observant and did my best to observe as a Orthodox Jew in a household that looked down upon religion as an institution. But, for the past several years I have become increasingly lax in my observance. I do not daven as often as I should, I have been negligent in my observance of Shabbat, I have ceased to do acts of tzedakah in the quantity and frequency that I used to – but, perhaps most frightening of all, seeds of doubts have started to grow in my mind over the existence of G-d – a thought I have cried and lost sleep over and a thought that brings me into a pure and utter state of terror incomparable to anything else I have ever experienced. How may I resolve my doubts and will Hashem forgive me?

7 months

Answers

  1. Yes, absolutely. Hashem will forgive you. Hashem judges each person for who they are and what their personal circumstances are. That means that there is no one-size-fits-all judgment and punishment, because each judgment is tailor made.

    I truly empathize with your having doubts about Hashem existence, and I absolutely understand why it has kept you up at night. There are a plethora of books out there that deal with the issue. Some of them are written in a more basic fashion, and some of them are written with an advanced audience in mind. Perhaps you might want to look at a site like www.eichlers.com to see what is available and if anything appeals to you. There are also incredible shiurim that are on sites like www.torahanytime.com and www.hidabrut.com

    And please feel free to write back to us with any questions about Judaism.

    Wishing you much much happiness and success!

    Best wishes from the AskTheRabbi.org Team