Doubts About Existence of Hashem
I was raised an Atheist but at a young age decided to become a baal teshuvah. For the majority of my life, I was relatively observant and did my best to observe as a Orthodox Jew in a household that looked down upon religion as an institution. But, for the past several years I have become increasingly lax in my observance. I do not daven as often as I should, I have been negligent in my observance of Shabbat, I have ceased to do acts of tzedakah in the quantity and frequency that I used to – but, perhaps most frightening of all, seeds of doubts have started to grow in my mind over the existence of G-d – a thought I have cried and lost sleep over and a thought that brings me into a pure and utter state of terror incomparable to anything else I have ever experienced. How may I resolve my doubts and will Hashem forgive me?