how are you /

Lechvod Harav, shlita I know that we believe that Hashem only gives a person what he can handle. I was told a story about a man who was told something bad had happened ( I forgot if it was that his ships had sunk or his factory burnt down...) but the rav told him that it must be a mistake because each time someone told him about it he fainted so obviously he couldn't handle it and Hashem wouldn't do it to him if he couldn't handle it. In seminary I asked someone about suicide and the pat answer I got was that obviously the person could have handled it but chose not to and instead ended his life... but nowadays I heard that someone who commits suicide can be buried in regular cementary becuase he is not held responsible becuase of mental illness... isn't that the same as saying he couldn't really handle it. Even if one would say no, what about people who have nervous brakedowns, someone definitely doesn't chose that, it happens because they can't handle life. There was an add in one of the Jewish newspapers a while back asking for tzedaka for a family who the mother had a nervous brakedown after having her second set of twins, she obviously couldn't handle it. If it can happen to other people what makes one think that it won't happen to him and her and how can that not stop them from fully believing that G-d won't give someone something they can't handle.

Lechvod Harav, shlita Sorry, my question got sent by accident. I just wanted to thank you. Any clarity would be much appeciated. Sincerely, Leah

Rabbis: I don't know if you want to answer a question about (Reform) temple politics. It's probably an old story anyway, but it's new and difficult for me. We are in a New Mexico town where real estate is booming and we have many new members. A group of us older members formed a small chavura several months ago. We do Fri pm services, study Hebrew on Wed., take teens on hikes, etc. In the last few months there have been many harsh public statements (and one letter mailed to everyone in the Temple) to the effect that we are "destroying the fabric of Judaism". Our members include two past Temple presidants, the Temple librarian, and the man who organized the Temple security system. Our kids are all Bar/Bat Mitzvah. I am a religious school teacher. We attend some Sat am lay-led services. Some of us study Talmud on Sat at the Temple. We are all Temple members in good standing. There are about 150 families in the Temple; about 20 families are represented on the average Temple services Fri. nights. We are the only sizeable group that is not all from one family. Several of us do have personal issues with the Rabbi, but that is not rare in htis Temple. We did not make a public announcement of forming the chavura, we do not have publis discussions about our differences, and we do not "recruit", al;though anyone can attend. We do have wonderful services and I have studied more Torah in the last six months than in my previous life. We laugh a lot and sing really well. Do you think we are doing something seriously injurious to Judaism? I will not go back to Fri. services (the Rabbi has a serious conflict with my 14-year-old daughter, so we are in the chavura to stay), but I will pass along your comments. Perhaps some of the others will feel differently after getting a rabbi's input. The biggest concern is the nastiness level of the comments about us, most spearheaded by relatively new members whom we don't know and can't evaluate as enemies. Twice, we have been the subject of Board meeting fights, and there is a lot of ugliness over the upcoming High Holy Days. Several of the people in our town are members in the next town's synagogues, and I am thinking of joining them for the Holy Day services. Again, I am pretty inflexible; I can't pray with the rabbi and my daughter in the same room. They make me crazy. Sisterhood meetings are apparently getting ugly, too, and some very old friendships may have been damaged. Sorry this is so long. The only really tangible thing I can ask you, is: Do I have the right to request that my private life not be discussed at Board meetings? These discussions have not been announced in advance, nor have they been on the agendas; the meetings are open and these folks have just opened the discussions. One of our members is a Board member, and he feels attacked and wants us to attend as a group to defend him. (Yeesh.) It's becoming a matter of pride for some of our members - they don't want to be "bullied into attending services at the Temple". Some of them are thinking of dropping thteir memberships. This was not the original intent and it makes me sad. What are our rights, and what is the mature way to handle this? ,,,I guess there's a third issue for me here - I am keeping my daughter out of the Board meetings because of the nastiness, and she missed the last Board election, just when she is old enough to understand and participate. Want to give me advice there, too? ... Help. Thanks.

Can you please tell me if it is the norm in the Jewish faith to for specific people that are already dead?